Today is one of those days when I need to dig deep to show myself an extra ounce of self-compassion. Day 16 of writing and sharing, and I would be lying if I said it had been easy. Despite wanting to complete these 30 days for me, there is still a part of me that hopes people find me and my work through my words. On days like today, when I am sleep-deprived and overwhelmed, it is easy for me to get down and discouraged, but I also know I cannot base my decisions about something off the back of one bad day or one bad experience. I committed to myself: 30 days of writing, and if I were to give up now, because I didn’t feel amazing today, I would have to live knowing that I let one bad day take away from the many good ones.
So here I am.
I don’t have anything particularly insightful or philosophical to share and, well, actually, that is my insight from today. I put so much pressure on myself to only ever share the polished, articulate side of myself when really, that is just one part of me. I am someone who loves to explore and who is deeply passionate about women finding their voices and self-expression, but I am also someone who loves ecstatic dance, cooking, travel, and adventures. By committing to myself these past 15 days and showing up in this space, I have started to realise that despite being someone who explores the depths of my own being, it is not enjoyable, for me or probably for anyone else, to limit my expression to that.
Well, fuck.
Just when I thought I had grasped my own form of self-expression, I begin to see that in so many ways, I still filter what I say and what I share. Have you ever looked at a social media account and just thought to yourself, my god, that woman looks free? I want to be more free. I want to stop capping and limiting what I share based on what I think people want to receive from me.
So tonight, ladies and gentlemen, most of you who are subscribed are my friends and family, and I love you so much for your support, I am going to share with you a delicious white chocolate matcha recipe simply because I love it, and to be completely honest, I don’t have it in me to share much else. Also, 'tis almost the season, and anyone who knows me knows that no matter the time of year, when I am feeling a bit tender, like I am today, you can find me wrapped up with a blanket watching my favourite Christmas movies.
Milk of your choice (I use Nutty Bruce Organic Almond and Oat Milk because they use no oils or gums, and it froths amazingly)
2 tablespoons of cacao butter
1 teaspoon of matcha
1/2 teaspoon of vanilla powder or extract
Sweeten to taste – if you like. I enjoy my matcha without it.
Now, this is the fun part. I use my Nespresso milk frother to froth/heat my milk. I also a cheat, and when I can’t be bothered whisking my matcha the traditional way, I add it to the frother with my milk and let the frother do the hard part for me.
Add boiling water to the cacao butter, vanilla powder/extract, and sweetener of your choice, mix well.
Add the milk/matcha – mix and enjoy.
For my matcha lovers, you can thank me later; this really is delicious.
And if you have read this little entry, thank you. It means the world to me, especially on days like today when everything just feels a bit too much. And if you, like me, get caught up in being a perfectionist, perhaps it’s time to give yourself permission to just be.
With love,
Millee x